Beyond "I'm Sorry": How to Truly Support a Grieving Friend

We’ve all been there. A friend loses someone, and we freeze. We want to help, but we’re terrified of saying the wrong thing. So sometimes, we say nothing at all—which is the worst thing we can do.

Here is a guide on how to show up for a grieving friend, beyond the generic "I'm sorry for your loss."

1. Show Up (Physically and Digitally)

Attend the funeral if you can. Send a card. Send a text. Your presence matters more than your words. Just knowing you are there reduces the isolation.

2. Avoid Platitudes

• Don't say: "Everything happens for a reason," "They are in a better place," or "At least they lived a long life." These minimize the pain.
• Do say: "I can't imagine how hard this is," "I am here for you," or simply, "This sucks."

3. Offer Specific Help

"Let me know if you need anything" puts the burden on the grieving person to ask. They won't ask.

• Instead, say: "I am going to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?"
• "I’m coming over on Tuesday to mow your lawn."
• "I’ll pick the kids up from soccer this week."

4. Listen More, Talk Less

You don't need to fix it. You can't fix it. Your job is to witness their pain. Let them talk about their loved one. Let them cry. Sit in the silence with them.

5. Remember the "After"

Everyone shows up for the funeral. Two months later, the lasagna is gone and the phone stops ringing. That is when the reality sets in.

• Set a reminder in your phone to check in 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year later.
• Remember the deceased’s birthday and send a text: "Thinking of [Name] today."

Conclusion

Supporting a grieving friend isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. Don't let the fear of awkwardness stop you from reaching out.