Numbing vs. Healing: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms for Grief

When pain is intense, the human instinct is to make it stop. In grief, we all develop coping mechanisms. But not all coping is created equal. Some strategies help us move through the pain (Healing), while others just push it down (Numbing).

Unhealthy Coping (Numbing)

These behaviors might offer temporary relief, but they delay the healing process and can cause new problems.

• Substance Abuse: Using alcohol or drugs to "turn off" the brain.
• Overworking: Throwing yourself into 60-hour work weeks to avoid going home to a quiet house.
• Isolation: Pushing everyone away because "no one understands."
• Compulsive Behavior: Overeating, overspending, or excessive gaming to distract from the feelings.

The Red Flag: You are doing these things to escape reality, rather than to process it.

Healthy Coping (Healing)

These behaviors allow you to feel the pain in manageable doses and integrate the loss.

• Expression: Talking to friends, journaling, or creating art.
• Movement: Exercise releases endorphins and helps process the physical stress of grief.
• Mindfulness: Meditation or prayer helps you sit with the feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
• Connection: Spending time with people who support you.
• Rest: allowing yourself to sleep and recharge.

The Balance

It is okay to "numb" a little bit. Sometimes you need to binge-watch a TV show to take a break from the sadness. That is called "dosing." The problem arises when numbing becomes your only strategy.

How to Shift

If you find yourself stuck in unhealthy patterns:

1. Identify the Trigger: What feeling are you trying to avoid? (Loneliness, anger, fear?)
2. Choose a Substitute: Instead of pouring a drink, pour a cup of tea. Instead of isolating, text one friend.
3. Seek Help: If you can't break the cycle, a therapist can provide the tools you need.

Conclusion

Healing hurts. It requires feeling the feelings. But it is the only way to the other side.