Navigating the Empty Chair: How to Handle Grief During the Holidays

The holidays are bombarded with messages of "joy," "togetherness," and "family." But when a key member of that family is missing, the contrast between the world’s celebration and your internal pain can be excruciating.

The "empty chair" at the dinner table is a stark reminder of loss. Here is how to navigate the holiday season when you are grieving.

1. Acknowledge That It Will Be Different

Don't try to force the "perfect" holiday. It won't be the same as it was before, and that is okay. Acknowledging this relieves the pressure to pretend.

2. Decide Which Traditions to Keep (and Which to Skip)

You don't have to do everything.

• Keep: The traditions that bring you comfort. Maybe hanging their stocking or making their favorite pie.
• Skip: The traditions that feel too painful. If going to the big family party is too much, stay home. You have permission to change the script this year.

3. Create a New Tradition

Incorporate their memory into the celebration in a new way.

• Light a special candle for them.
• Set a place setting for them.
• Go around the table and share a favorite memory of them.
• Donate the money you would have spent on their gift to a charity.

4. Have an Exit Strategy

If you attend gatherings, drive your own car so you can leave if you get overwhelmed. Let the host know in advance: "I might not stay long, but I want to stop by."

5. Don't Feel Guilty for Having Fun

It is possible to grieve and experience joy at the same time. If you find yourself laughing at a joke or enjoying a meal, don't feel guilty. It doesn't mean you have forgotten them. It means you are still alive.

Conclusion

The holidays are a season of light. Even in the darkness of grief, you can find small flickers of warmth. Be kind to yourself.